A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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