White coat. Heels.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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