Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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