well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
