saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
