My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
