someone threw a dead crab at me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
