Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
