just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
