i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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