Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
