i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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