12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
