She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
