i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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