My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
