we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
