Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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