Your face is a jimmy john
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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