My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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