my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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