Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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