are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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