I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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