hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
