im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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