Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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