Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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