She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
