You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
