dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
