anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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