# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary