I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.