My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.