Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital