just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.