$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
