Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
