you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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