I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
