No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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