Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
