It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
