it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
