did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
