She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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