my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
