kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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