My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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