Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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