i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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