Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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