i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
