what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
