Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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