The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
