hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
