I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We have so much sex to catch up on
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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