Small penises have feelings too.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
