I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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