i barfeds in our rink
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
