the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
