If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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