don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
