The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
