Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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