But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
