It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
