On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
