I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
