bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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