Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize