Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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